The CIA is out to get me!!

Hey just because I am paranoid, doesn’t mean there aren’t evil forces at work out to get me. Yes I am referring to women Carrying Inbuilt Attitude (CIA for short). Now that I am a free man and am venturing out on my own again, I am encountering the all sorts of society once more.

The scariest of these are the CIA women! Let us get one thing straight, I love women and nearly every aspect about them except the dreaded CIA.
In my limited studies I have come across various types namely:

1. The ones who are overly independent and make sure every knows it. “If my vibrator could mow the lawn, men would be redundant!” is their usual opening line to any audience. Well if your vibrator had legs, I know what the funniest sight running away would be! We all like to be our own boss, but do the world a favor and lighten up a bit could lead to more encounters not requiring triple a’s.
2. Treat me like a princess no matter what. Now I have in depth knowledge of this type and they are the scariest. Normally an only child who was spoilt rotten by the folks and now doesn’t realize that bad behavior shouldn’t be rewarded with gifts and compliments. Usually this type drinks shooters from the bottle and is so opinionated you start drinking from the bottle. Unfortunately she takes this as a sign you think she’s cool and steps up a gear. Great for one night stands, just make sure you lock her in her tower afterwards.
3. The make over specialist. If you didn’t like me, my friends, my family and my taste in just about everything why the fuck do you go out with me. These types of CIA’s are the most subversive and are single handedly responsible for metro-sexuals. Eons of thought has gone into the evolution of man and if he was supposed to be such a wet wipe, cave men would have painted in pastels! Pumpkin and peach are things to eat if there is no meat, not colors of my shirts
4. The Femenazis. They are very close to the independents the only difference is that they don’t mind women doing things for them. Help yourselves out of the closet and move to Lesbos. I open a door for a woman as a sign of respect, not because I think she is retarded and can’t operate complex mechanisms.
5. At the opposite end of the scale is the ‘Damsel in constant distress’, hey I like playing the hero but there are levels ‘my little woman capabilities aren’t up to scratch’ that just send up warning flares. With this attitude you might as well spend your time with severe Alzheimer sufferers. You are going to have to wipe someone’s arse in both scenarios.

There are many more, but where would be the fun in pointing them out and not having my fellow man experience them first hand. Now I am fully aware Ladies that there are many men CIA’s and quite possible more the women thanks to pratt mags like ‘Mens Health’ but I like to see myself as more of a KGB agent.

Kinky Godless Bastard.